2019 Lessons
Every year, I say new year new me. Well, 2019 was that year. I outgrew my skin like a snake and regrew a new Kierra. As my friend said, "Roll with resistance." I've lost friends and gained a family. The question and theme I kept hearing all year is, "Don't you realize your power?" I've shrunk myself to remain humble, kind, likable, but these attributes haven't done me justice. The goals I have for myself aren't modest. They require a level up. I'm far beyond regular, but I've been trying to blend in to fit in.
Why would I want to fit in with the crowd?
Top 3 themes of 2019:
Power
Love
Relationships
The 8 Lessons encompass these themes.
Power
My mentor told me to stop acting ordinary because I am not average. My friend told me, "Like honestly, you are going to be able to promote so much change and educate so many people just through being who you are and cashing in your many strengths and skills...Just speaking the truth! Like I honestly don't think you realize just how much power you have, and I can't wait to watch you unleash it." My social work professor said, "Stop shrinking yourself." On a less positive note, my other social work professor kept telling me what is going to be "too hard" for me. As a Black woman, sometimes I feel like I have to run through my resume for people to understand who I am. She said, "You do not come off that way." This comment was a reality check to stop being so humble to make others feel more comfortable.
Perception isn't reality
In light of that professor projecting her insecurities and impression of who I am onto me, this added fuel to the fire. Everything started to align when she said those words. The theme of the people who I care about the most telling me to unleash my power made me realize I do not walk around confidently. As women, sometimes we don't want to come off as arrogant, cocky, "too much," but those who know me and love me will not see me walking in my power as "too much."
Demand more
In relationships, goals, life, and future, demand more. It's not cute, to expect or accept the bare minimum. If you aren't satisfied, state it. As my therapist said, people are more resilient than we think. Silencing yourself to "benefit" someone else is harmful to both people. You're silent and not getting what you need, and they are unaware of their harm. We are all just humans doing the best we can. There's nothing to fear.
Love
It's not accurate if you don't love yourself, no one will
Sometimes in our healing, we will be sent someone that shows us love, chemistry, and destiny is real. This love doesn't need to be romantic but shows us that in the past, what we settled for was unfulfilling. We shouldn't settle in any relationship.
Love in any capacity should be natural
Quit forcing relationships. It may be cliche, but what is for you to be will be, no matter what, who, or how it is.
“What it did is it It forced my soul to continue to search for what it longed for, dreamt of, wanted to be. It allowed me to continue to create an unbreakable, unshakeable foundation for my life, a relationship with myself that was based not on what everybody outside is saying, but was about what I believed was good and right.
— Tracee Ellis Ross
Relationships
Sometimes people are removed so you can learn a lesson and grow
Some bonds I thought were immune broke. I take responsibility for some of it, and some of it is on them, but I know it was needed. At first, it hurt, but then I learned over time why it happened. It needed to happen so I could remove some blinders and discover who I am in another context. A variety of healing modalities propelled me to where I was supposed to go, and I'm still flying.
No is a complete sentence.
Say no without feeling guilty. Period.
Do not live for other people.
I cannot live for my parents, friends, family, partner, etc. At the end of my life, no one is coming with me. Do not have regrets.
